


End of the Line

by boomsherlocka



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Unrequited Love, endgame missing scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 13:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomsherlocka/pseuds/boomsherlocka
Summary: Wherein Steve decides.





	End of the Line

**Author's Note:**

> There are spoilers for Endgame in this story so watch that before you read this.

The briefcase sat on the coffee table in the living room, which seemed wrong. Dangerous. Bucky felt an uneasy prickle over his skin as he studied it, as if glaring at it would bring Natasha back. Bring Tony Stark back. Bring anyone back, really. 

 

He curled his mechanical fingers against his palm and laid his head back against the sofa, his eyes falling closed. He had started to drift off when he felt a tug at the length of his hair ,and he huffed out a laugh. Steve. 

 

"Now that we saved the world, you think you'll be able to squeeze in a haircut?" he asked before leaning over the back of the sofa, his forearm throwing heat against Bucky's cheek. 

 

"If you promise to grow out that beard again," Bucky drawled, opening his eyes to look up at Steve. His face was more striking from that angle somehow, and Bucky knew that he should look away. Still, he didn't. He allowed himself to look his fill. He had Steve back against all odds, and he deserved this small allowance. "I never thought I'd see the day where Steve Rogers could grow a beard." 

 

Steve's lips twitched up in a smile and he hung his head down between his shoulders. "I think there were probably a lot of days you never thought you'd see, Buck, but here we are." 

 

"Here we are," Bucky echoed, and Steve tapped the cold titanium of his arm with a single fingertip. "A little worse for the wear, but here. Not too bad for a couple of old men." 

 

Steve's laugh was low and gentle, and it hung heavy in the air between them long after he had fallen silent. Something even heavier settled in Bucky's chest as Steve closed his eyes, his long straight lashes shadowed on his cheeks as he clenched his jaw. "I've been thinking, Buck," Steve finally said, his eyes steady on the briefcase. 

 

"I thought I smelled smoke," Bucky quipped, his voice sounding choked to his own ears. Steve didn't laugh, not this time, and Bucky felt like he was shrinking, collapsing in on himself. "It's her, right? This time travel shit has your head all messed up." 

 

"You think it's a bad idea," Steve said, more a statement than a question. "I saw her, and after all that time she still had a picture of me on her desk. And I'm thinking, maybe she's just proud of the work they did with me, a job well done. But maybe it's more than that. Maybe... well. Maybe she wanted forever as much as I did." 

 

"Nobody gets forever," Bucky replied. "Hell Steve, some people don't even get right now. But me and you, we've got right now. You really want to risk that? You buried her once, kiddo, how are you going to handle doing that again?" 

 

"Maybe it will be her turn," Steve replied, somewhere between flippant and deadly serious. 

 

Bucky huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, well, I guess it serves me right, making you watch me die. I guess it's only fair for me to have to do the same." 

 

Steve stood up straight, his broad shoulders rolled back just for a moment, standing at attention. Then he melted slowly. By the time he was sitting next to Bucky on the sofa he seemed smaller, almost cowed. "If the situation were reversed, Buck. If you were in my position..." 

 

"You're the only person I would go back for, and I think you know that," Bucky ground out. There were words that he had in his heart, words that he thought could go unsaid. That had gone unseat for years. "If I could go back and have all that time with you I would in a heartbeat, but me asking you to choose me over her isn't a fair thing to ask. We had time, right? We had each other for some pretty good years, even if..." Bucky shrugged and lowered his head a bit, his hair falling forward. "Well, even if I was a little busy trying to tell myself what we had was enough for me. As soon as you met Peggy Carter I knew I had lost my shot there." 

 

"You saw me when no one else did," Steve said softly. "You saw someone who was worth seeing. You saved my ass more times than I can count, Buck. I'll never be able to thank you for that." 

 

Bucky smiled slightly. "So come back," he asked. He didn't know if his request was legitimate, if he expected Steve to agree. "Come back to me, Steve. I'm tired of missin' you." 

 

"I've gotten to tell you that I love you so many times that you know it as well as you know your name," Steve said after a long moment. "But now I've got the chance to love her. Show her rather than just carrying it around my neck like an albatross. Me leaving you right now doesn't mean I love you any less, I just... I want to be able to love her too. I'm tired of missing her." 

 

Bucky's eyes burned. He hated it. He wanted to turn off his brain, to work through this mindlessly, blank like an empty room. He wanted to retreat into the Winter Soldier, to forget everything he had lost, everything that he was losing. Everything he had never had and would never have. "You going to be selfish now? For the first time in your whole goddamn life? I'm sitting here pouring my heart out to you, you asshole." 

 

"I think I deserve it, just this once," Steve said with a shrug. 

 

Bucky pushed his hair back off his face with a frustrated huff. "And what do you think I deserve? I didn't ask for this." He couldn't quite look at Steve, see the man he had become and not the boy he'd fallen in love with all those years ago. The boy who he would stay up with all night, laughing and teasing and falling asleep all tangled up with. The boy who refused to die over and over, and whose face lit up every time he would wake up and see Bucky standing there. The boy who rode on the handlebars of his bicycle, urging him to peddle faster so it felt like they were flying. The boy he took on double dates with faceless girls because he liked to imagine it was just them, that the girls weren't there at all and no one would bat an eye when Steve laid his head on Bucky's shoulder, pressing in close. The boy he'd wanted everything with but could never tell because the thought of Steve hating him always left him paralyzed with a fear that seized every part of him. 

 

Steve's eyes were on his lips and a hot flash of anger boiled Bucky's belly. He wanted Steve to lean forward, kiss him light as a breeze. He wanted Steve to pull him into his lap, touch him until the metal of his arm was skin hot. He wanted to taste him, be tasted. He wanted to move with Steve, kiss the sweat from his skin, hold every part of his body as if it were precious, too delicate for anything less. 

 

He wanted Steve to flush and look away, to admit that he didn't love him that way, never had felt anything toward Bucky more than brotherly affection. 

 

He wanted Steve to stay. 

 

He wanted Steve to break both their hearts, one right after the other. 

 

More than anything he wanted Steve, and he knew he always would. 

 

"It was just a thought," Steve said as he looked away, his cheeks turning a mottled pink. 

 

"Dangerous things," Bucky replied, his voice flat. Mechanical. The spell was broken. 

 

"I don't even know if I'll be the one to return the stones. I might not even have the opportunity. I could be stuck here with your sorry ass." 

 

Bucky pushed out a humorous laugh. "Perish the thought." 

 

Steve took a slow breath, opened his mouth, closed it. "Buck, I..." he began, then trailed off. 

 

"When you make a decision you let me know," Bucky said as he stood, stretching slowly. 

 

"Till the end of the line," Steve said softly. 

 

Bucky shattered. "Till the end of the line," he echoed, not turning back around. 

 

They both knew that it was a lie. 

 

Neither of them admitted it. 

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of issues with the ending of Endgame, so I wrote something to make it better for myself. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, let me know how this made you feel. 
> 
> <3


End file.
